Holy Isle 3
Over new year I went on retreat to Holy Isle, this is day 3 of the blog I wrote while I was there...
I had such a beautiful meditation this morning. All my worries and doubts about myself evaporated and I was filled with light and love and beauty. I emerged into clear skies and a sunny day and vowed to make the most of the sunshine today, so went on two invigorating (it is sunny, but still VERY windy) walks.
For my second walk I took the opportunity to climb up towards the top of the island - it felt like a day for tackling mountains - and I made it about halfway, which feels about right for where I am just now, before turning back. Tomorrow I intend to walk the whole thing - it will take me about four hours and I'll head off straight after breakfast.
The previous days of yoga, meditation, bracing seaside walks and early nights made this a very positive day, but as can happen on retreat, this evening all of my troubles seemed to return with a vengeance and my evening meditation left me feeling unsettled. It's hard sometimes, when there are no distractions and you spend so much time quietly with yourself, because there is no escape from yourself. This is true of all life, of course, but we are so good at finding ways of hiding from ourselves in everyday life. There are no such escape routes here on the island and this can make it difficult. Taking a long, hard look at oneself isn't always the easiest thing, and doing it with compassion (rather than beating yourself up over all your stupid mistakes) is harder still.
Nevertheless, I have the comfort of a warm kitchen with an open fire; my books; my journal and later my bed. And I am sure, quite sure, that when I wake up tomorrow I will feel better again.
Namaste.
I had such a beautiful meditation this morning. All my worries and doubts about myself evaporated and I was filled with light and love and beauty. I emerged into clear skies and a sunny day and vowed to make the most of the sunshine today, so went on two invigorating (it is sunny, but still VERY windy) walks.
For my second walk I took the opportunity to climb up towards the top of the island - it felt like a day for tackling mountains - and I made it about halfway, which feels about right for where I am just now, before turning back. Tomorrow I intend to walk the whole thing - it will take me about four hours and I'll head off straight after breakfast.
The previous days of yoga, meditation, bracing seaside walks and early nights made this a very positive day, but as can happen on retreat, this evening all of my troubles seemed to return with a vengeance and my evening meditation left me feeling unsettled. It's hard sometimes, when there are no distractions and you spend so much time quietly with yourself, because there is no escape from yourself. This is true of all life, of course, but we are so good at finding ways of hiding from ourselves in everyday life. There are no such escape routes here on the island and this can make it difficult. Taking a long, hard look at oneself isn't always the easiest thing, and doing it with compassion (rather than beating yourself up over all your stupid mistakes) is harder still.
Nevertheless, I have the comfort of a warm kitchen with an open fire; my books; my journal and later my bed. And I am sure, quite sure, that when I wake up tomorrow I will feel better again.
Namaste.
Don't be too hard on yourself. Seems to me you've done well just to get to the island and give it all a try. V.
ReplyDeleteTrue enough and true for everyone that was there x
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